That’s what I’m talking about!

and for the record

I realize girlfriend may be batshitcrazy, but she looks really HOT in the Circus video. Hopefully she can continue being diet-Madonna for a few years before returning to her White-Trash life of eating deep fried mayonnaise balls, drinking RedBull & Vodka, and letting her kids wander into traffic.

public transportation: part one

You’d think after 10 years in this city I would have learned better than to do the following:

1. Get on the subway in the morning without first swilling something caffeinated. (Mornings without coffee are likely to end in bloodshed, either when I fall off my high heels and skin my knee or when I finally loose my shit and bludgeon newspaper guy for whacking me in the face with the Metro for the 8th time)
2. Sit next to a bitchadolescent girl intent on rocking her Sidekick; since it  is guaranteed to get you an offended sigh and a migraine-inducing eye roll if you jostle her arm. (If I’ve had a bad day at the office I am prone to do this on purpose so that I can channel Brenda Walsh after getting grounded by her parents for sneaking out to have sex with Dylan. *sigh* eyeroll. bitchface. THE TRIFECTA)
3. Forget your buffer (aka book, iPod, Gorilla mask, etc) . (Sometimes the only thing that can prevent me from starting a fucking riot at rush-hour is the fact that Jad Abumrad is talking to Jonah Lehrer in my ear about Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring)
4. If you DO forget your buffer (aka book, iPod, Gorilla mask, etc) DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT!(this may lead to the following)
5. If for whatever reason you get sucked into a conversation with a stranger who is intent of sharing their life story with you get off immediately at the next stop and switch cars BECAUSE when the old dude starts crying on your shoulder about his recent divorce while reeking like a distillery IT WILL BE AWKWARD. (true story)

I really wish I had Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth.

it would make my job SO MUCH easier.

Carrotcake Cupcakes w/ Cream Cheese Frosting

Love makes you do crazy things. For instance, you can be a single girl whose idea of dessert is the cheese plate and a 4th glass of red wine and then one day you meet a RedSox lovin’ guy who turns your world upside down with a request for carrotcake cupcakes for his birthday. In your family cupcakes were always chocolate with homemade buttercream frosting . . . and birthdays were marked with pumpkin pie or cheesecake . . . but hey this is love, right?

And then there comes a day when he makes you laugh so hard that you snort Orange Crush all over the inside of his car (windshield, dashboard, seats, etc.) and you realize that you love him enough to forego your preconceived notions about birthday dessert forever. And you learn to make these:

 

CARROT CAKE CUPCAKE INGREDIENTS:

 4 eggs

3/4 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup applesauce

1 cup white sugar

1 cup brown sugar

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

¼ teaspoon nutmeg

3 cups grated carrots

1 cup chopped walnuts (if you like . . . in fact you can add raisins too)

 

* I often cut the sugar in half, using ½ cup white sugar and ½ cup brown sugar.

 DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9×13 inch pan.

In a large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, white sugar, brown sugar and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Mix in flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Stir in applesauce. Stir in carrots. Fold in walnuts and/or raisins if that’s your thing. Pour into cupcake liners. Bake in the preheated oven for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of cupcake comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and cool completely.

CREAM CHEESE FROSTING INGREDIENTS:

3/4 pound cream cheese, at room temperature

1/2 pound unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 pound confectioners’ sugar

Cream together ingredients. Smear on tops of cupcakes. Feel free to use colored gel icing to draw carrots on top if you’re feeling extra cheesy. These cupcakes taste best slightly stale and cold with a tall glass of milk.

I miss my old kitchen.

The kitchen at Ivaloo was the deal-maker. T and I knew it the minute we saw the green tea kettle that perfectly matched the sage green walls. Since I am feeling nostalgic about summer mornings eating pineapple on the bench beneath the window, here are the top 25 things I remember about that happiest of rooms:

1. T’s perfect 10 fried egg & cheese sandwiches.
2. WBUR’s Morning Edition and hot tea on the window bench while the snow blows by.
3. $4 Vino Verde in stemless wineglasses, talking about boys and making dinner.
4. T and I piling the table with books, bags of half-eaten popcorn and mugs of tea . . . writing papers and listening to Beethoven. Or Ryan Adams.
5. Teaching Carrie how to cook 1st Date Salmon.
6. Choreographing an elaborate dance to each song from Confessions on a Dance Floor.
7. The cross breeze from the porch door out the window.
8. The linoleum floor that never showed dirt.
9. My Bastille Day/Birthday party . . . parts I and II.
10. The board that we hung pots, pans and colanders from.
11. Knowing that most Saturday mornings I would find cold Crab Rangoon in the fridge and sticky sweet and sour sauce on the counters from another ‘dunk fest’ between T and Dita.
12. The White Trash party (PBR and pigs n’ a blanket).
13. Sliding across the floor in my slippers and crashing into the doorjamb.
14. Making steak frites for Adam and almost scorching the ceiling when flambe-ing the Calvados.
15. Sitting on the counter.
16. T’s vanilla rooibos iced tea when the temperature hit 95.
17. Getting very drunk with T, Ari and Jenny. Too many times to count. And usually involving sparkling wine.
18. Listening the the And the call was coming from the basement! episode of The American Life for the first time.
19. The green dish towels with the pink roses.
20. The hole in the ceiling above the stove that occasionally rained down insulation.
21. Mopping the linoleumfloor while dancing to Fleetwood Mac.
22. The broken chair that would pinch people’s butts.
23. Trying not to burn the waffles.
24. Market Basket $3 frozen pizza.
25. Talking with Teresa . . . about anything and everything. Conversations that ran for 15 minutes to 3 hours and that usually ranged from pop-culture references to personal reflections to books we were reading for class. Oh, boy were we unapologetic navel gazers. And was it ever fun.

Honest Abe’s Watch

secret message

As a former resident of the Land of Lincoln, and a history/civics nerd,  I tend to get overly excited about all Lincoln memorobilia. Here is the lastest Honest Abe update . . . a secret message was revealed within his pocket watch!

pirates

I realize that it may be heartless of me to say this, but . . . I’m kind of jealous of Captain Richard Philips. Who wouldn’t want to get held hostage by pirates? I mean, maybe they’ll take you back to their pirate ship and you’d get to drink rum and throw knives and hang out with scruffy tattooed sailors with eye-patches. Then eventually they’d learn to accept you, give you a cool pirate nickname like Black Morgan Vane and you’d sail off into the sunset. Perhaps I am confusing movie pirates with real pirates, but even if real pirates are just oceanic gangbangers then think of all the cool stories Captain Phillips will get to tell after the US Navy rescues him! That guy will never have to buy a drink at a bar again. All he’ll have to do is say, “Maybe you’d like to hear about the time I was held hostage by pirates?” AMAZING.

Thank you, Ted Kennedy!

Thank you Teddy K for throwing out the first pitch. You and your Kennedy charm helped MVPedroia to hit a HOME RUN during his first at bat, Beckett to strike out 10, and Pabelbon to clear the decks. Your magical powers also helped the injured hero Mike Lowell to make mine a double and to do the unthinkable . . . allow Tek to make contact with the ball and score a Team Captain homer.

Now if only you could guarantee a World Series Victory you silver fox. Then you would be unstoppable.

this one’s for you elizabeth