good grief

Elizabeth is the one person with whom I am completely myself . . . sometimes to a fault. For example check out the following g-chat:

From: elizabeth

I can forward you the inspirational words/funny pictures my aunt is so

fond of forwarding me.  Would that cheer you up?

From: megan

Only if they are pictures of ponies with kittens and puppies riding on
their backs and assorted lawn gnomes looking on. Oh, and if the ponies
are really unicorns! And if the picture was drawn by Lisa Frank. And the
kittens have emeralds for eyes . . .

From: elizabeth

With dolphins flying overhead?

From: megan

Winged dolphins with sparkles! And magical humming birds!

From: elizabeth

And baby dears and tigers nuzzling!

From: megan

And fluffy bunnies making out with shiny pink chipmunks . . .

From: elizabeth

And big-eyed babies riding upon rainbows

From: megan

With effing halos!

And giant squids hugging sperm whales . . .

From: elizabeth

And GOD smiling upon the whole scene . . .

From: megan

as Satan looks over his shoulder

From: elizabeth

With Saddam Hussein right next to him eating a big-eyed baby.

Moose

It’s my new nickname for Red Sox starter Brad Penny. Just look at this guy . . . his neck is the size of my thigh. I bet he eats 2 dozen eggs for a mid morning snack.

I realize that . . .

the girls from Go Fug Yourself have this one covered but, for the love of a grilled cheese sandwich, Adrien Brody is freaking me out. Usually pictures of Mr. Brody make me feel weak in the knees rather than wondering if he should invest in a man-brassiere. How unfortunate.

I wish . . .

. . . that a shark would come hang out near Cape Cod again. Nothing says summer quite like a shark, except for maybe fireworks and a barbecue.

currywurst

Whenever my guy gets homesick for Germany, he asks me to make his favorite street food Pommes mit Currywurst (or sliced bratwurst covered in a ketchup-based curry sauce with a  side of french fries). It sounds slightly terrifying, particularly since I’m not one for curry . . . however once you’re eaten it you begin to imagine what other foods you could cover with the rich dark red sauce . . . . eggs, tofu, chocolate cake? The recipe follows:

CURRY SAUCE FOR CURRYWURST

1 tablespoon butter

2 tablespoons finely minced onion

2-4 tablespoons good quality curry powder (I always use at least 3)

1/2 to 1 tablespoon sweet Hungarian paprika

2 cups ketchup

1 cup water

Sauté the onion in the butter until it is transparent (DO NOT BROWN). Add curry powder and paprika to onions and quickly sauté just to bring out the flavor, then add the ketchup and water. Simmer uncovered on medium/low heat until the sauce is the thickness you desire (about 10-15 minutes). Taste and adjust seasonings if desired. Serve over Bratwurst with an extra sprinkling of curry powder, with a side of french fries and mayonnaise.

bridal shower.

while I’m thrilled that one of my friends is getting married, I am a little horrified by the prospect of attending the upcoming bridal shower. I mean, I have nothing against getting together with your girlfriends and drinking adult bevs and giving the bride to be gifts (such as lingerie, or a tool kit), it’s the games that I fear . . . like the following:

Make Up the Bride-

Get a variety of colors of cosmetics, (bright reds, greens, purples, the louder and bolder the color, the better). Ask for volunteers. Have the bride sit in the middle of the room. Have the volunteer choose a cosmetic. Blindfold the volunteer. Blindfolded volunteers are to “make-up” the bride. Then, the bride and make-up artists pose for a photo. This gets absolutely hilarious.

Hot Cucumber [sweet baby Jesus I wish this was a joke]

This game is similar to hot potato but instead of using a potato, you use a cucumber. The guests form a circle and try to pass the cucumber from between their legs to the next person using only their legs. When the music stops, the person left with the cucumber between their legs loses. The game goes on until there is only one person left.

Fantasy Lover-

Ask each guest to write down on a slip of paper their Fantasy Lover. Fold the slips and toss them in a bowl. Have the host select each one, read it aloud and the guests have to write down the name of the person they think wanted that Fantasy Lover. The most correct names wins.

or my personal favorite . . .

Take it Off-

Give every guest a paper bag, and make them put it over their head. The host then tells everyone to remove one article, (watch, shoe, jewelry, etc.) the smart ones will just remove the bag, while less fortunate one keep removing clothes till the last one realizes everyone is watching her strip.

. . . she’s back.

after multiple life-changing events I have returned with The State of the Union:

1. I now live in Rhode Island . . . but even after intense research I am unsure of how it can even count as a state. It sort of feels like Diet Massachusetts. Maybe I should give good old Roger Williams the benefit of the doubt and give his state a chance.

2. Apparently The Nana was bored with Princess Di, Tupac, & Biggie and she and her afterlife poker cronies (including Honest Abe) requested the presence of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, & Michael Jackson.

3. I’m addicted to So You Think You Can Dance. I. AM. NOT. ASHAMED.

4. Elizabeth expects me to write a lengthy post detailing her finer qualities, however I will instead give away the name of her upcoming memoir Pratfalls, Bad Decisions, & Telling Lies to Strangers.

5. Job hunting is a full time job. So is unpacking.

6. Whenever I get bored with episodes of Ghost Hunters, my boyfriend says, “You just want to see battleships and hotels.” He’s not wrong . . . but I mostly want to see some FUCKING GHOSTS!

7. Skyr is a delicious kind of Icelandic cultured dairy product. (thanks elise!) I especially enjoy Siggi’s Orange Ginger flavor.

8. After almost 28 years I am beginning to acquire a taste for lobster.

9. According to Vogue, US Weekly, 17 magazine, etc jumpsuits are fashionable. NO. Absolutely not. They are hideous.

10. Big Papi is back in the cleanup spot. All is right with the world.

11. I found this old mix tape that Elizabeth made me called the upbeat mix, which OF COURSE begins with Badlands by The Boss.

12. Olives with Garlic and Lemon from Whole Paycheck are worth every damn penny.

13. According to River Monsters on the Discovery Channel, being a fisherman is a scary job. Because if you’re not careful your wife will get eaten by an alligator-type creature right in front of you and your impressionable children.

14. I’m not really sure what ‘American’ cheese is, but I am pretty sure it is 89% wax.

15. THIS is going to be the BEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

riddle me this batman . . .

are these two dudes twins or have I been drinking too much Pinot Grigio?

State of the Union:

1. Mike Lowell can make mine a double anytime. Which is not to say that I don’t appreciate the homers, those are nice, too. 
2. I scramble eggs better when I listen to Bruce Springsteen. 
3. Iced mint tea is an excellent breakfast drink when the temperature is 79 degrees at 10:00am on April 26th.
4. The mac n’cheese at Green Street Grill is outstanding. I think it was the combination of the tomatoes and the bacon.
5. I have a bruise the shape of a kidney bean on my right knee and I don’t know where it came from.
6. The Craigslist Killer freaks me out. Not just because of the whole killing thing, but also because I realized that there are security cameras EVERYWHERE.
7. Fresh-squeezed orange juice tastes like nature’s candy. 
8. Elizabeth does NOT like Thai food. 
9. I’d rather floss my teeth that write my final paper for Attachment & Neurobiology.
10. My upstairs neighbors are up and being loud by 7am. Even on weekends. I think I may hate people who have children in the city.

Castle

There’s something about Nathan Fillion’s voice that makes me want to drink scotch in front of a fireplace. While the show is a nice addition to the police procedural lineup, I would gladly listen to it with my eyes closed just for the pleasure of that voice. It’s right up there with Tommy Lee Jones and “Hello my name is Johnny Cash.”